NO CHILL: DUMB & DUMBER TO
How Americans slowburned their country to a dimwitted cinder.
written by Audy Elliott
*Jim Carrey’s comedic abomination came in number one the past weekend at 38 million, winning over better contemporary films ‘interstellar’ and ‘Big Hero 6’.
The prevailing question over the past weekend was “How the hell was this movie number one?”. It doesn’t look like it should be number one, it doesn’t smell like it should be number one, and it has enough premise dust on it to stay into oblivion, and rot in an idiot clichéd punch- lined retirement home. Dumb & Dumber To went up against, better, tactfully more entertaining quality of films for the weekend, mercilessly prat-falling past its competition to an unjustifiable win. So again, how the hell did this movie come in number one this past weekend? Movie analysts strip down all the logistics to one vital element: Nostalgia. And my response to that is - FUCK NOSTALGIA! American moviegoing audiences have been personally killing me with their slack-jawed movie choices for quite some time, but even this is an all new low. It’s as a piss dumb flu of a movie came, leaving me afflicted with a bad case of shitty cinema-itis, and the only robitussin-like cure would be to kill myself by a western movie, high noon styled hanging where I made sure there was no slack in my rope. I’m not that desperate yet, but it’s getting there.
TRAILER BREAKDOWN: EX MACHINA
These are the DROIDS we’re looking for.
written by Audy Elliott
Ex Machina or the “Great Machine” is a super naturalistic hyper sci-fi movie that preys on your heart as much as it does on Domnhall’s little cubicle trapped program engineer. The movie, written and directed by Alex Garland (writer for 28 Days Later), is predatory like a titanium razor-sharp hug from a beta tested C-3P-OH MY, Audrey Toutou looking robot. The teaser trailer for this sci-fi film is a socratic, scientific art of war like gesture, where one keeps his robot friends close, and the little mobster guy from Drive closer. There is a predominant motive apparent in the trailer where Gleeson is, in his own way, being controlled either by Oscar Isaac’s brilliant but eccentric robot “whose-a-was-it” creator Nathan, and the coy, angelic “Fritz Langian” Ava, played convincingly by Alicia Vikander, whose come-hither programmed look is convincingly enticing to our young pip. If this was Dickens' “Great Expectations” Gleeson’s Caleb character would be off to bigger and better ascendency to life (as he is called up his entry level techno-silicon valley like droning from a contest getting “the golden ticket” to have face to face time with C.E.O. Nathan) and like Pip in Great Expectations, he is chosen to attain a better wealth (of knowledge), a better shine (attention, study with the big secluded boss), but still couldn’t possess the one thing he wanted: Estella (Ava and her natty wig). You can clearly tell Caleb is not only fascinated with Ava, but also entranced by her needing to be seen by him. He can’t, for all intents and purposes carry a relationship with her even though they are both chained to the same endemic trapped circumstance.
You can see that for a sci-fi thriller this trailer is made out of some good things: Oscar Isaac, who is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors, to a claustrophobic, scenic environment where things are not as attractive as they seem, in Nathan’s mono-chromatic fortress of solitude/Resident Evil “Umbrella” research lab. But the main draw is Ava. She is the oil tin-can woman wild card to this movie. The more she becomes “real” and enticing, the more we are perplexed and awed. Clearly, it’s established that manipulation is going to be a precursor to Gleeson’s character before, during and possibly after all of the shrapnel of metallic bullshit resides. He cannot determine, if he is being manipulated by Nathan or Ava or both. Maybe, it’s the trailer that is manipulating us. Isaac looks as he is continuing to string together quality roles that show him off to people without shoving him into the lime light. This movie also comes together with the anticipation, of two principal actors for the upcoming Star Wars Episode 7. I feel it’s a nice added bonus in which I can see if they have chemistry or not, and how that might (probably will) translate to Abrams over-agreeable franchise operatic hypebeast. Isaac, who is small in stature, comes across like a whopping Teddy Roosevelt bull-like intensity that may be good natured, but is more than likely insincere, or again, this is what an impressive teaser trailer is showing us. Gleeson in contrast, plays the same character he did in the wildly off-beat Frank as a young, impressionable but likable kid that is the right combination of “gee whiz” and “oh gosh” with a little of his father’s acidic reactionary wit.
CINEMATIC TOP 10: IN NOLAN WE TRUST
A countdown to the top 10 movie scene’s in Nolan’s filmography.
Nolan’s latest film – Interstellar
, in case you haven’t heard, is coming out in theaters this week and the twitterverse is set ablaze with giddy, hopeful slavish anticipation. Some people will love it, some will really love it and some will give it a passing grade, while the remaining deconstructionist will be more selective when handing out superfluous commentary, on why he chose to do this, or didn’t choose that. Either way, Interstellar
has arrived and it’s ready for consumption whether you are ready or not. Expectations have, for the most part, been befitting to a likely passable experience, even if it’s possibly, not up to the standard of his film’s normal stature. Don’t worry if it’s not the next Inception
, that’s fine, no director has ever batted a .1000 when it comes to their collection of work from beginning to end, with the exception I’m told of Andrei Turkovsky. But again, I digress. Case in point of contemporary directors pooping the bed every once and awhile: Scorcese - Gangs of New York
, Kubrick - Eyes Wide Shut
, Hitchcock - Birds
(come on, you know you didn’t like that movie!), Spielberg – War of the Worlds
, War Horse
and everything that Roland Emmerich has done. I’m not saying that any of these aforementioned films are horrible, or less than the standard of quality, but let’s face it – it’s not their most memorable work or the films you name drop at your next film buff vs. film buff cage match.
About a month ago I posed a question: why isn’t anyone excited about Interstellar?
Excitement has picked up from most Nolan fan boys (me included) but there is still a collective ho-hum from casual moviegoers. Like Nolan himself, the marketing has been refined and subtle, not pressing or desperate in seeking approval from the people say like Abrams, and the new Star Wars
. For the promotion Nolan has given interviews, held Q & A panels, and even stopped by the air and space museum here in my home city, Washington D.C., demonstrating a certain self satisfaction of his film that is coupled with his reassurance that he can do, ultimately whatever he wants to. The whole handling of the movie from a marketing standpoint has been done sublimely, in which adds to the movie’s overall mystery, while distancing itself (possibly harming itself) with a lack of mainstream accessibility. The beauty about watching Nolan’s career unfold right now in the moment is that I have seen a masterful, artisan, budding landmark auteur of the highest cerebral levels grow from one movie to the next. We are at the ground zero of greatness. We were told of Bergman, Kurosawa, Allen, Ford, Demille etc., we were preordained with their greatness already gifted to us like an inheritance, taking away the very immediacy of the moment in time of how they were viewed in their heyday as they too were discovering themselves. Rarely, do we see greatness in present time. But we are seeing it with Nolan, and we should be grateful that we get to see his mastery as a first hand experience that we will be telling the next generation of movie fans as they discover their Nolan like we did with ours.
Regardless, if Interstellar
misses the mark on its quest of self-imposed directional pantheon of The Dark Knight
, it will undoubtedly be a fitting piece in his overall filmography (I have not seen the movie at the time of this article) – so I’m not worried one bit. Having said that, during the trailers, news and alleged Marvel “real movies don’t do that” pimp smack, nothing has gripped me about this movie except that there is a movie to begin with. Inception
was a visual masterpiece that played on your mind's comprehension of what it was witnessing. The Dark Knight
was everywhere, fronted by Heath Ledger’s promise of an outstanding rendition of Joker, to even where The Dark Knight Rises
, had the opening 15 minutes with Bane hijacking a plane. Keep it real – you didn’t see go to see Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
just for Paula Patton alone, right?! I thought so – the bigger Nolan’s movies became, the louder the bellowing sound of the anticipatory music boom box would drop its heavyweight IMAX beats, but not so this time with rustic leading man, Rust Cohle, and the little Twilight
glitter baby in Interstellar
(from what I hear she is a little gem in this ). So to pump you up, if you need that sort of thing, I will go over the TOP 10 Movie Moments thus far in Christopher Nolan’s career that span from his very first movie (Following
) to his most recent one (The Dark Knight Rises
). Hopefully after I see Interstellar
I can add another remarkable scene to the catalog of the preexisting visionary movies from the ambitious man himself. Like the maxim that holds all truths to be self evident: In Nolan we trust, and with that trust comes an uncanny ability to hold our collective imaginations while delivering them with expected confidence.
Onto the countdown you have been waiting to see, and I have been waiting to show. As the Joker would say: “And here, we, go.”10. The chase scene in Insomnia
First of all - R.I.P. to my boy Robin Williams. Secondly, If you think that was actually Pacino and Williams running you need to get kicked in the head and trapped under the logs in this scene like Michael Phelps with two broken legs. This is probably the film that gets forgotten when discussing Nolan’s films. I saw this in the theater, and it was a faithful adaption to the original with Stellan Skarsgård, with Nolan trying to understandably make it his own. Not his best movie, but underrated, and still dealt with the same psychological complexities that we have grown accustomed to seeing in his films. Nolan uses quite a bit of ingenuity to portray heightened action, but really masking Pacino who is running frantically in place. Both characters faced more hazards in this scene then all of the contestants on all of seasons of Ninja Warrior combined. This scene could have easily been a throwaway, routine chase scene, but to Nolan’s credit he made chicken salad out of U.S. adaptation chicken shit.
9. The narrative explanation/montage scene in Following.
Great Scene/Sequence/Narration – a lot film idealism at play in which you get a narration from the main character as to why he “shadows” people seeing where they would go and how far he could follow them without getting beat the fuck up. Nolan keeps the main character in the shadows with murky, overcast richness of the baby neo-realistic setting. The scene highlights a charming, but delusional protagonist who is a brilliant and methodical in a poor man’s Jeremy Iron sort of way. He wears a mask of an inquisitive, sociopath that frequents coffee and crullers at Dunkin Donuts. You see early traces of narrative layering and writing, coming from Nolan in genius form as we are studying his character, as he is studying people, while walking in one of the most naturalistic shot environments. Promising start of what’s to come from a great director.
8. Inception – Mal in the hotel scene.
First of all, you are dealing with the point of view of Cobb’s reality from what he remembers the night Mal jumps to her death on their anniversary. This scene, as with numbers 9 and 10 on this list, still play on a mix of emotions and logic and how both don’t apply to Mal, and her sanity or lack of thereof. Elements come at a virtuoso harmony, starting with Cotillard's tragic, but haunting acting, to Zimmer’s music, to Leo doing what Leo does best and angry cries to cap the scene. Also, it’s supposed to be a night of happiness and celebration for the couple, but Like Papa Nolan does, he uses it and twists it to make the scene not only memorable for the characters, but also us - and for the all the wrong reasons.
7. The Dark Knight – Joker hanging upside down scene.
The unstoppable force meets the immovable object meets the bomb-ass counter camera rotation. This was a brilliant little camera move that still lasts with me until this day. With Joker just hanging upside down like a piece of rotisserie chicken, Ledger still exudes a confidence that even though he is captured, he is still self assured as he knows he's still in control in the best, extreme way possible. Once the camera slowly rotates and moves counter-clockwise forcing the power back in the hands of the joker, Ledger delivers a persuasive dreamlike monologue. Lending to the madness, Ledger is unfazed that he is dangling upwards to 40 feet in the air, is still talking shit to Bats. This camera maneuver gives Joker one last hurrah to show Batman may have won the battle but the war was far from over. The scene only heightens the psychosis of the character, movie and Nolan’s reputation for the search of intelligence even with a “comic book” movie.
6. Memento – Where he punches Natalie, but then knows he will forget.
Come on Leonard, concentrate, concentrate – stay focused, where is a pen? Excellent scene! Like the ass-backwards narrative structure of the movie, we are first exposed, in the previous scene, with Natalie and her busted lip (Who did this to Trinity?? She’s nice - she didn’t deserve that!!). She tells Leonard that her boyfriend Dodd did it, needing Leonard’s help to put Dodd in a world of hurt. Well come to find out, it wasn’t Dodd, but good ol’ Leonard that molly whopped Natalie thus giving her the bloody lip. The real intensity is released once Leonard knows he needs to write down what happened or he will forget in T-Minus 30 seconds and counting. While he is scurrying to find something to write with, or a bottle of scotch to drink his pain away, Natalie is sitting in the car, with a cunning smirk knowing that she has power over Leonard and there isn’t a damn thing he can do about it. Man, that is messed up, and that is why its number 6.
5. The Dark Knight Rises opening heist scene on the airplane.
Now here Nolan is just showing off. This is a byproduct of he can do whatever he likes, and believes in his prowess. Zimmer’s thundering score, coupled with the dense thick slabs of sound effects and the unmasking of Bane is a great way to set the tone for the rest of the movie. Here Nolan took what he learned shooting IMAX from The Dark Knight and decided to push himself further, higher (literally) and with more camera vibrato than we have seen. He is the Nolan we now know – he is in his film making prime. What’s most impressive is the choreography and timing that was required to pull such a shot off, as well as controlling the scene and its participants at such a high, grand level. He makes it look easy, but it’s not. That culminates with the old plane being detonated, spiraling downwards like a baby turd flushed down the toilet bowl of Bane’s primordial wake. You feel the physicality of Bane, or the impression of the pain Bane’s character will bring to the rest of the movie and eventually Bruce Wayne’s back.
4. Prestige ending
All of those top hats. The Prestige is a gem of a film, which really questions the motivation of the lengths that both Angier and Borden dramatically strive to “out bro” the other for the ultimate magic trick/disappearing act. What’s really at play here, again, is that Angier clearly won the spectacle but at what price? I mean how many top hats did my man go through to perform this trick? 10? 20? 120? Doesn’t matter – he is a living ghost. He kills himself, but is still alive. It’s perverted, and the utmost macabre, but tragic as well. The last image of Angier’s clone, lifeless, floating, eyes aglaze, and hair directionless but with a face that hints of stale consciousness by its own death by the encumbered hands of the person the clone couldn’t trust the most – Angier himself.
3. Batman Begins – bats in the cave.
A clear motif in all of Nolan’s films is that the mind is a powerful ally or adversary. In Batman Begins, the movie (in 2005) was met with a tepid but interested response. And like Bale accepting his fears and immersing himself with the bats in the cave, we also accepted this new version, a rebirthed Nolan hero. Bale sells the fear immediately, stilted movements, careful and careless at the same time, hands trembling without coming across as completely intimidated. Zimmer’s score builds and builds cueing Bale to rise and accept his destiny as the Dark Knight Detective, and our new modern, quintessential, Connery of a Batman. The scene is highly symbolic: Bale walks in, looks like he is shitting his pants, and then decides to operate his flash light as if Nolan is shining a light to us, the fans, that there is a new franchise, and is titleholder as the Batman of all Batmen. Once Bale turned the light on, our collective imaginary lightbulbs went off in our mind knowing that we were on to something truly landmark here, that transcends the genre, like Bale transcending his fear, like us transcending the given skepticism.
2. The Dark Knight – truck flip/bike scene.
This whole sequence is paramount to the movie, Nolan, and the Bat Universe as a whole. It plays to a wonderful score where the slicing string notes escalate and release tension, as Batman is racing to destroy the Joker on a collision course of a glorified “Made ya flinch first” game. Batman is determined to put an end to all of the anarchy caused by the Joker, with the Joker daring him to do it. It’s apparent these two really need each other – yin to the fucked up yang. If the sequence played like a song, with Joker and Batman doing the harmonies, the truck flip is the high note! The way Nolan shifts the action gears with Batman speeding up, shooting his bat hooks – intercut with Joker looking puzzled, to Batman flipping the shit out of the truck, like someone’s little brother in backyard wrestling, ending with Bats looking as pleased as he can look without showing it. Nolan is masterclassing his ass off, playing tension, drama, and high action theatrics. And the greatest part at this point is, you haven’t seen shit yet.
1. The hallway fight/van chase sequence in Inception.
As I have previously stated above, I have been very fortunate to watch Nolan in his prime, challenging, himself and taking what you can do in cinema even further with a beautiful marriage between big budgets and big ideas. So far every moment I have put in the countdown is obviously not in chronological order, but they all served traces of his inventiveness, and directional knowledge from the raw elegance of Following to the physical brutality that inhabits Bane and The Dark Knight Rises. For me personally, this scene is the one that lingers and holds the most reverence with its textured presentation, layered relationship physics to the sheer audacity of Nolan not using a green screen to pull off the rotating hallway effect. He kept the camera mounted, fixed, and with extraordinary choreography, rotated an actual hallway model to keep the entire sequence with the illusion harnessed within M.C Escher like “kick punch-ability.” There are many key sequences that all need to naturally co-habit with one another, along with brilliant editing, to make Nolan’s mind warp thriller attain its impact at its absolute zenith in the film. First of all, the focus here is Joseph Gordon Levitt. This helped him go from a stage kid in meaningless teen roles, and hidden gem poster boy to a bonafide, A-list co-star. This movie along with 500 Days of Summer presented him to audiences in a different light. He was solid, tactical, and unemotional. He exhibited an everyman strength and fortitude that would make Edward Norton proud. He is the person in the movie that holds the scene together. Second, in the same action frame, one of the dream henchmen pulls out a gun and gets ready to pull the trigger, but Nolan quickly cuts to the second level during the motorcycle chase scene, and immediately the cyclist shoots in syncopation at our driver. It’s a brilliant subliminal trick that not only thrills, but also psychologically presents a connective thread to the simultaneous connective dream world levels: danger lurks at every sleep awakened place. The hallway demonstrates that Nolan at times is now playing filmmaking chess, while everyone else, like Fincher (whom I like) is still playing repetitive filmmaking monopoly. Pass go, collect your 200 hundred dollars, and come out with the same style and vision, and that’s fine, perfectly fine. Nolan looked at the board, and decided that it wasn’t big enough and decided to create his own game by his own rules, as he did with this scene, and to a grander extent, the movie, and this countdown itself.
TOP 5 SCARIEST KIDS IN HORROR MOVIE HISTORY
“I believe the children of our future – teach them well and let them lead the way” – Whitney Houston
Why, when it comes to horror movies, the general takeaway is the little scary ass Disney peapods, which in reality are seemingly harmless, typically sweet, and dimly attached, are the ones that affect us, lasting with us as much as their adult “slasher” counter-weights? Horror movie kids always end up burning in our pop culture consciousness in a tokenism sort of way, where you feel sad that they are even part of the madness in the movie instead of doing what’s real important say like algebra homework. After awhile, the kids seem to somehow punctate the movie’s engine, by either driving it, or falling as a plot device by way of it, and often times breaking through to where they become their own little “kid’s incorporated Haley-Joel-who-cares" celebrity in the Halloween creaky casket mythos of the very celebrity it chews and spits out.
Historically in horror movies, some prey on your mind while others attack your fears with a Freddy Kruger like enjoyment. To delight the audiences that are laid out in front of them to frighteningly watch, horror movies are built on a well placed terrifying subjectivity that can leave others trembling from its viscera and intelligence while leaving others mortified by lack of creative thought falling into quotidian genre clichés. In society, when it comes to children in general, all people can relate on wanting to persevere the dogmatic idea of that child’s life and innocence, regardless of archetypical familial relations or not i.e. being a parent, older sibling, teacher or whatever. It's naturally healthy in wanting to care for a child not yours as long as you’re not Jackie Earle Haley from Little Children, creeping out the neighborhood. Symbolically, a child is something that inherently and empirically, doesn’t need convincing from the narrator to passionately want to guard, to protect. It’s in our damn DNA to look out for these little cute bastards, lovingly, no matter if there is an obligation or not. It’s what a child, especially in film, represents personally to the viewer that makes us want to emotionally care
Children or childhood take different representations cinematically depending on the director’s usage and intent pertaining to that genre. For example, the acclaimed Japanese animator Hayao Miyazaki uses children to be the “spirit guide” through of all his movies. He touches his movies with wonderment, softness, and a pre-existing innocence that is reflected in the adulthood of those films. He has a way in which the viewer knows what it’s like to feel protected (Howl’s Moving Castle) or want someone to protect like (Ponyo). And complimenting those sensibilities, Miyazaki has a way of making us feel innocent again: harking back to an easier, less strenuous time and place in our past. In comparison, less than serene styled movies have also cemented a foundation that is inescapable but of a different ilk - having children trapped in a purveying world of danger, torment, fright, but serving mostly as a fable or cautionary tale, in which it forces the child to either learn a lesson or walk away the hero. Historically, this thesis roughly began when the Brothers Grimm composed the sinister Hansel and Gretel, or regretful Rumpelstiltskin, which gave way to a thematic charge of children being used in a manner in which, unlike Miyazaki’s hopefulness, children are the prey, but not before an important lesson of "don’t grow up to be an ass" isn’t embedded first. Normatively, children are in danger, and they are representational lambs for the slaughter. Contemporary films, Like The Neverending Story, Labyrinth or even Del Toro’s brilliant films like the wrenching Chronos or vivid Pan’s Labyrinth use children in a myriad of ways to enrich a dark story.
The brilliant thing with children in horror movies is that since there is a development throughout adolescence, children as a character are not fully formed into who they are or what they will become. With that stasis brings narrative depth. From that depth a director can take that character and put them through a wealth of ideas because, back to my earlier assertion, we want to protect the child because we want to keep their innocence. When the innocence is threatened, we in some way feel threatened as well, thereby creating a tension - a differential resonance - an intemperance - towards that film. We develop feelings whether we like to or not.
The beautiful complexity of making a child or children the focal point in a horror movie is that they are little rays of light playdoh in the hands of the director, where he or she can do as she pleases in whatever twisted confounding way they can come up with to further push the genre’s line of what’s acceptable. Throughout the 20th century, in film, children were either the hunted (The Nighthunter, Halloween, Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street) or the hunters (Village of the Damned, Children of the Corn); however, in the latter part of the 20th century, from the 70’s onward, children were no longer the family sidepiece or the callow youth to be preyed upon that you forgot was left in the car when the family moved to the new haunted estate. Now children, tweens and teens became a force onto themselves where there was a supernatural empowerment endowed onto children in a whole new form of storytelling. The best example of the good girl/scary kid paradigm was Heather O’Rourke as little sweet Carol Anne. O’Rouke best exemplifies the duality a director can use a child in supernatural/horror films, which, like in this case, if used correctly, can be both the hair-raising cause and also the effect to thrilling horrific intent in the most purest escapist pleasures. Throughout the duration of the film we are wanting to protect her little sweet self as she is clamping on the t.v. in her all white baby doll nightgown – saying “They’re here” in her best Kavinsky Nightcall impression, and therefore, little Carol Anne, you got to go by verdict of guilty by association.
In recent years children can be used all kinds of ways now to effectively visualize the director’s voice, like adults are only with more at stake as humanely possible. There is a certain maturity with kid actors these days that lends itself to the multifaceted iconography in horror films, where even though they grow up, the iconic character is trapped in a time capsule-corner time out. Case in point, as recently as in Gore Verbinki’s emerald nightfucker of a movie The Ring, with the little boy Aidan, who is terrified about something wicked this way comes; or how in the same movie Samara is played for both empathy and fear. She is a metaphorical cautionary tale of parenting gone wrong. How about the little boy from 2007’s Trick R’ Treat where he is a symbol of all the dead little kids that creepily terrorize the neighborhood with the same nickel and dime store costume that wasn’t even cute back then, but is still tragic for being a haunted hangover. All you see is his Jack-o-Lantern mask, and little round body and cute peppered feet, but you know he is fucking cray! He is representational o f how dichotomous the kid in horror film premise lies to where it’s no longer kids that are afraid of the boogie man, it’s the kids that have become the boogie man. Even if the kid in the movie isn’t the boogie man himself per se, they are still used as metaphysical representation through the film built around the boogie man. In the words of my best friend, and self proclaimed “horror-buff” William: “You don’t trust kids in films, and you especially don’t trust them in horror films.”
So here are the top 5 scariest kids according to a guy that wouldn’t hesitate to punch ‘em in the face if cornered by them.
#5. The kid from Ju-on (The Grudge)
This kid is creepy in a number of ways. First of all he looks like I did when I was that age which led to some serious questions lined up for my parents (which were never fully answered). NEVERTHELESS – this kid called by some “Cat Boy” never does anything harmful, but is a good example of how the director chooses to use him to amplify the atmosphere, while also serves the purpose of The Grudge’s narrative. This kid’s claim to fame came during a TV commercial in which he passes down twice in the same elevator while yelling like a cat! Buffy slain Vampires, but this is a whole new level of crazy. Also, what makes this kid bizarre is that he isn’t wearing any clothes except I guess a samurai diaper or something. Either way, this kid is number five. Deal with it!
#4. The little boy from Pet Cemetery
Oh the little dead boy from Pet Cemetery. For those of you who don't remember this movie, the little kid dies, and his father learns that if he buries the little boy in the, you guessed it “Pet Cemetery” the little boy would come back to life. HOLD IT RIGHT THERE – what parent in their right mind would want to bring back a dead kid? A father who still needs to claim dependants on IRS tax returns - that’s who! I mean what other reason is there??. Anyway, the kid comes back to life and of course there is something “wrong with him” – yeah, he’s fucking dead, and probably confused, and it’s also nap time. No wonder he’s a little out of hand dealing with him. Well the little fucker grabs a scalpel and starts running amok through the house slicing people’s tendons along the way, while his hair is always nicely combed. This is why experts say you should put up gates when your child starts to learn how to walk, run or kill.
#3. Damien from The Omen
This little kid is scary but is still a walking magnificent pimp cup. Look at that suit, look at that hat – how could you not envy this kid’s Barney suits game? He has a face only the devil could love. The effectiveness about this kid is that, like the little girl in poltergeist – there is a complexity with this kid where looks can be deceiving. He looks so cute and innocent on one hand, but then he is a fucked up little lord fourtneroy of inferno daycare proportions. This kid has the swag of P. Diddy mixed with Snoop Dogg’s permed press, making groupies fall off rooftops, because they got caught up in his demonic hype beast shine.
#2. Linda Blair from The Exorcist
Linda “MuthaFuckin” Blair: She is on this list not so much on her acting (which was misrepresented at the time by a best supporting actress nomination. It was actually Mercedes McCambridge that did all of the harrowing voice acting, that I can still hear to this day) as much as it was the physical performance and the special effects that came with it. Scenes from the movie are iconic, with most of them searing back to the bedroom where Blair’s Reagan was trapped. One can only imagine the great Max Von Sydow say “I’m out” and “I played chess with the devil." We get glimpses of her prior to the “obsession possession” (btw great song by Hall and Oates) but it’s the possessed Reagan that still intimidates. She didn’t sleep walk the role and it was her going through enormous physical stress to sell the lip synch, the possession and the realty itself overall. She was so good in this, that she was typecast; never having the talent to disassociate from the role ever again, something that our little buddy, Daniel Radcliffe, is combating with as we speak.
#1. The Grady twins from The Shining
Come play with us Danny...we can be friends forever...and ever...and ever – I get it girls, settle down, and the answer is um...no. I’m good. I’m going to continue talking to my best friend, Mr. Finger. This goes down as number one for many reasons of the kid/horror movie trope that I laid out earlier, but I will reiterate. Here we have a kid with supernatural powers (Danny) against two kid girls (Grady twins) in which both are dealing with the same deck of age cards. Naturally we want to protect Danny, as he is innocent and sweet, fresh with the 70s standard issue mop top haircut that all little boys had. Danny has powers but we don’t know which kind. We first see the twins in the beginning in the rec room holding hands and facing Danny as if they want to be friends. Danny doesn’t feel so good about this encounter. Kids naturally have an immediate fascination with other children. Kubrick heightens the moment by telling us that Danny is the only child and will be cabin-fevered to death by boredom in the traitorous hotel his father signed the family up for. Additionally, the moment lends itself to the famous deathly encounter where Danny traverses on his little tri-cycle and runs smack dab into their little miss easy bake oven of a death party, which Danny crashes. The scene doesn’t need to be repeated as we have all seen it, but it does bear that similar theme of – what’s more scarier than one fucked up thing? Make a second and make sure it’s an identical copy. Two is not better than one in this circumstance. Long story short: The twins are thrilling, weird and unexplainable to even Danny, and shit! He has the shining and is still scared, so what are the chances for the rest of us surviving this duplicity death by horribly but intentionally made “meetcute.” Put a fork in it Kubrick, we’re fucking done.
TRAILER BREAKDOWN: FOCUS
Will Smith’s comeback movie and the sexual over-reliance of it.
written by Audy Elliott
The ironic thing about this film titled ‘Focus' is just how unfocused the presentation of the trailer is arranged in this stylistic double-crossed underworld, Romeo and Juliet, heartache. Does the mood want to be sardonically funny? Does it want to be “Sinatra” jazzy cool? Or does it want to be a madcap embodiment of a cautionary titled track of one of Rick Ross’ faux-luxurious crime capers? We don’t know with this movie but it’s apparent that certain scenes are drenched in clichéd angst hip-hop “ride or die chick” thug life misguided allusions. What we do know is that Will Smith is back and this is the role he intends to come crashing through movie aisles with. As always he looks slick, wearing clean esquire photo shoot suits, and extra fitted muscle shirts while exuding the right amount of Michael Bay arrogance. Focus is a con movie in which Margot Robbie flaunts her Australian goods with an eagerness to prove that there is a brain in there somewhere behind the high voltage of her blonde off-centered looks. A lot of the setup, jokes and conflict is played off of Robbie’s clichéd pin-up presence. There is one scene where an associate lustfully-verbal daps Smith, inquiring if indeed Will is sleeping with her – He claims he not, and she confirms it by actually being in the back seat during the misogynistic inquiry. It’s not as if Robbie can be mad. It’s clearly this sex kitten trait that got her in Will’s backseat to begin with. The ultimate question is, can Smith keep it under control as smoothly as he sells himself to be? It’s clear that chemistry sizzles with her and any unsuspecting B Actor she shares the screen with in this trailer: as she knows what she possesses and how to use it in getting Smith to lapdog scene to scene after her with the least questions asked. This role doesn’t challenge Smith as he can sleepwalk backwards with it after taking a whole bottle of unisoms and still courageously “heroing” his way to the end, due to his professional talent alone.
So apparently, Smith is given an apprenticeship to Robbie’s character for her junior girl scout long-con merit badge. The movie is obvious in the way that you can’t trust anyone and regardless of what your trade, craft, or expertise in criminal activities warn you against, Smith just can’t say no to the “unicorn in the forest” white woman at the pool party winking back to him in the black Prada bikini. This marks Robbie’s opportunity to show people that she is more than a real life Barbie by aligning herself with a real life Ken Doll: Smith, (who seems to work on his physique more than his filmography) by throwing herself to play off of his chemistry and bankability as a follow up from Scorsese. Ff she can’t be taken seriously as an actress, at least she is “name fucking” the right people for her resume. In one scene it appears that she uses the same “cat-daddy” voice to Smith at the dinner table as she used to DiCaprio in Wolf of Wall Street. If you blink fast you could be confused that both movies merged with the same character. She is just about one note as you can get in a limited amount of trailer time. This is not Sharon Stone we are talking about here. Stone’s sexuality came from her understanding how to harness it, and defy it by daring the audience to not believe in it. Stone owned it. Robbie’s sexuality comes pre-packaged with no assembly required thus objectifying her attractiveness more than making it elemental to the plot and movie itself in an understated way of not having to say it, repeat it and force it. Unfortunately the trailer can’t move on until we are browbeaten into believe it.
The lens, and film of the movie look artificially good but only because its copycat good. There isn’t anything pervasive or tangible that screams anything other than glorified music video, nor are we given an opportunity to see Smith in anything else other than the sensitive, macho, tough, gentleman that emphasizes the “OH HELL NAW” caricature. Again he looks good in designer sunglasses being stoically chiseled like John Shaft’s millennial nephew, but do you expect Smith to show you anything else? The movie is delivered with hokey-narcissism in the vein of a smiley emoticon burnout.
We all waited for Will Smith to come back, but this looks less than overwhelming but more than underwhelming – it’s perfectly just whelming. I would like to see Smith challenge himself in a way where immediately you know he gave a shit as an artist and would turn off the movie star auto pilot template. Smith at this point in his career, is the marketing “brand” everyman instead of a self-challenged crafted actor. If it fits within his brand, and template, he will say yes. If it’s too controversial he will denounce it with a politician’s impunity like his backwards ass excuse for turning down Django. In the past there were three guarantees: death, taxes and a big Will Smith movie opening weekend. Shit, thank god we can still count on death and taxes. I find it hard to believe that audiences will accept this movie to make it number one opening weekend, not with Will Smith sheepishly busting his ass over a caper plotted film. The long-con is on him with the self indulgent hopes this hackneyed premise, one dimensional co-star and ho-hum trailer will exceed its delusional expectations. Unfortunately, this time he doesn’t have any aliens or robots to play off nor the luxury of Martin Lawrence "yahooing" shared scenes to a disarranged hysteria. Now he’s got the pop-tart co-star doe eyeing her way into his belt buckle to less than promising cinematic contrived influences of better movies.
0:06 | Opening overhead shot. Never seen that before, how original.
0:29 | Establishing shot of the city, just to make sure we know which anonymous city we're in.
0:31 | Camera shot of Will Smith’s back as he is walking (aka Shady Bad Guy camera trick #714)
1:11 | Self reverent, Will Smith wants us all to know that he is still aware of his blackness and he reaches for his card at the bar.
1:27 | Second camera shot of Will Smith’s back shot in a white suit and brightly lit hallway, implication of a character “turn." He is no longer an antagonist but going to be the good guy now.
1:46 | Will looks longingly up the stairs at Margot Robbie... the Feels… ooooh the feels!!